Hey Queens, Hey Kings…
Change can be difficult, confusing and hard to navigate at times. It’s nothing more frustrating than thinking your life is going one way and then BAM here comes this trigger out of nowhere and now your back to square one. I am often very effected by ANY unannounced change (& whew’ it shows on my face intensely).
Anyone else have that very awkward face that can’t seem to hide its emotions?
… yeah me too!
So I had some thinking to do, and two questions came to mind…
1.) Why is it that so many random small instances continue to trigger me…?
2.) Why do I feel like negative situations keep repeatedly recycling…?
I think I’ve dated the “same person” since I was fifteen years old; different face and name but surely he was the SAME guy.. right?! Ugh! Same butterflies in the beginning + similar stories told about how he’ll never hurt me + how different he was from the last guy + familiar arguments + heart breaking lies unveiled + same sad ending… only to start over with “him” again! What is going on sis?!
When I look back on my life, I’ve realized that most good things I’ve asked for, I’ve ended up receiving down the line; in some way shape or form. And it’s usually wrapped up in a much prettier package then I could’ve ever imagined in the first place (Won’t he do it chile’ Amen! Amen) . But somehow when the next obstacle presents itself, I still get drowned in worry.
some of your greatest periods of enlightenment will come during the darkest times of your life-j. iron word
Unlearning toxic behaviors can be a hard thing to accomplish, but it’s not impossible. As a child I’ve witnessed and had been taught many things that I shouldn’t have. Your childhood is the foundation for exactly how you will navigate throughout your life, your own children lives & how you will cope and handle most things. This includes but not limited to self love + relationships + routines + conflicts and decision making. Children are brought into this world with so much innocence until tainted. The unfortunate life decisions of proper guidance and poor judgement from adults (and sometimes other children) can place a child in a horrible position they should’ve never been in.
Childhood trauma is a very serious thing to understand and cope with. Unfortunately it comes in all shapes and forms. From physically + sexually + verbally + emotionally + being neglected + bullying + death + lost and the list goes on. As hard as it may be to replay the hardships of your past, understanding why your adult situations seem to continue to be recycled negatively is imperative to your healing. So you may have to do a little reflecting. Timing is so important though. I’ve ran from the thoughts of my past for many many many years until one day I had no choice but to stare it right in the eye and jump in head first (someone pass me the box of tissue whew’). It was essential to my growth, I now know this. Last year, and all the years before, I couldn’t face it…I didn’t want to. Know when the timing is right for your life and find the right resources to lead you to the start of your healing journey!
Things currently helping me with managing + understanding + trying to cope with my childhood trauma:
- Crying, yes you read that right! Crying is NOT my thing (whew’ hateee it) but I’ve found that releasing that clogged energy has helped me in so many ways. Holding it in for whatttt (no no, not worth it!) I always associated crying with weakness but it’s far from weak, its actually lead me to so much strength I never knew I had
- Therapy, yup I’ll say it again! Therapy is my safe haven and i’ll forever be grateful for an unbiased outlet for all my secrets, worries, crying and things I just don’t want to share with friends and family
- Healthy conversations with people who contributed to my childhood trauma. I know, I know… This is a heavy one! This is to be done one by one; privately and in healthy timing. Don’t expect too much because like myself I had to realize that I cannot control the actions or responses of anyone but my own. Speaking to those specific people is only for your release and to be done without expectation. I spoke with someone in my family about things that they contributed to in my trauma and the conversation was overall very healthy and I literally felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. I’m glad I did it. It was unexpected, it was real and it was honest. The follow up actions of that person however was not honest and they are back to their old ways (rolls eyes) BUT like I said, this is for your release and we cannot control them nor expect anything, from anybody.
I’m learning that life is continuously changing, not only in my own little world but the entire world itself is changing. And as much as our comfortable bubbles feel, we must learn to adapt to all the changes occurring. It can be scary and frustrating but it can also be rewarding and fulfilling. It’s all about how you choose to view it! You have the power to think one of two ways, positively or negatively. That’s the gift we possess, we have a choice in our mindset. We have the ability to control our thoughts and the strength to push past the enemy. Feed your mind so that it will feed into your life! No matter how dark your childhood may have been, you have the responsibility to shape this adult into the powerful being you truly are!
I read a quote that stated:
Emotional pain from childhood could be the reason you have chronic illness, or any sort of lasting physical symptoms. This pain will remain until there is FULL forgiveness.-unknown
You are loved!
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xoxo- Tiara Adair